Week Fifthteen
Something to remember. Eight Fifty. I'm never out at that time. Well I did earlier in the year to do the drives to school but not for a walk. Not for a walk to school. But I did this week. I went with my family towards the school expecting to push myself to get a quarter of the way there at best and suffer for that a few hours after. But I got halfway and then that was more than enough. It was fine. I hope to do it more, maybe even push further. My wife had forgotten I was there. Its a start. It means little in the scheme of things. But something for me to remember. Something for the blog. An achievement. A pat of the back. I am trying.
But I only did that walk one time. Maybe next week. The day after that I went to my wife's work and had a fantastic big panic attack. Was going to provide a photo but there was nothing to see. And that is the things. There are times I want to talk about stuff but can't provide a photo to go with it. No one to capture me running away. Nothing really to see as its all internal. I had walked the long way down to her work with the boy, sat in the car (had my own keys), waited, waited some more, tried calling her, no answer and that was enough to make me panic. I actually contemplated scaling a wall with the boy at one point as it was the shortest route from A to B. I was halfway across the car park when she appeared. Not stopping I sent the boy in her direction and fled home on foot like an idiot. She of course got home before me.
Above is me bringing up the rear. Halfway down that path is a crossroads which you may be able to see. That is halfway. That is far as I have got. Note the way my wife is walking. Its not because she is a loon but because she started off the year with discomfort in her knee, got an operation off an NHS surgeon with a rusty saw and now is in constant pain with a limp to match. Bloody great. And they will do nothing about it, say they can do nothing. They feed her painkillers but are now wanting to give her pain management as an alternative. Bastards! Really. That is not right. She should see a lawyer I think.
Its not just panic that have curbed my walks but the weather. Don't get me wrong I love walking in the rain. Don't mind the wind too much. But when its rain, wind and freezing its no fun. Not weather for getting the wee unwaterproof camera out. Lots of spoiled photos and not much to take anyway. These guys are brave. Some strange notion of using a car for advertising. There was a car there before advertising something for a few weeks and then it was not there and in its place was a small area of smashed glass. Further along there was a trailer advertising re-used tyres or something for a while and then one day it was gone left with a blackened patch of burned grass. No doubt this one will end the same way. Why they have to use a vehicle to advertise is beyond me. Around here its just asking for trouble. Reminds me of Trotters Independent Traders. Their good intrigued me. That is a strange variety of clothing.
This photo? As I said its been generally cold, wet, windy and overall wild. I went out on such a day but made an arse of it. This is a close crop patched up with textures. I did want to take a photo of something holding on to a raindrop but just couldn't seem to get the focus- part paranoia and part shaking from tension. So this is the best I could do. Not good enough but something. Not at my best to boot. Still feeling the ripples from panic. Wish I could just flush this adrenaline out of my system and its creating so much tension too in the body. My upper back and neck are really stiff and sore. And on top of that continued releases are sapping to the point I'll be running on empty bumping my way through the day like a car driving on fumes.
